Right now it’s 05:17 AM, my mother and sister are asleep and I just put a pizza in the oven, meanwhile I’m walking around in the darkness. For a couple of years now, whenever it was dark outside, and therefore dark inside the house, I have always felt safe, like dolphin being in the place it belongs to, the ocean. Like a black panther out in the night. However, along with that feeling of safety, I have also, for a long time, felt a strong sense of loneliness. Are these two feelings dependent upon each other? Is there no way to feel one, but not the other?
It’s not like I don’t have people to talk to, or friends for that matter, so I’m not lonely in that sense. Like with any strong feeling, it’s hard to describe with purely words.
Maybe this is one of those feelings, to which the answer lies in the depths of time. Earlier tonight I read some parts of a large article about Zen Buddhism, and a particular quote stood out: “If you don’t have patience, if you can’t endure, well, don’t bother, because you won’t get very far”.
Buddhism is the spiritual teaching that my ancestors sought guidance in life, from. Are they talking to me through myself? Whatever the case is, I’ll take the above quote as good advice, and of course remember it. Unless dramatic events intervene, my life ought to last for quite a while longer, so hopefully the many questions I have asked myself while awake and in my dream, will someday be answered.